i have been super stressed lately. not the kind of stress that's rational, over school or work or anything tangible. more like the emotional kind of stress that comes from imagining everything and doing nothing. about it. you know? i'm not being productive. i'm not wallowing either, exactly. just kind of being, existing, going through my motions as i do everyday without change.
my ex may be dating this other girl. actually, i am fairly sure he is and they're good together. the girl is sweet and cute and nice, and i'm the one who broke it off with him. rather cruelly in fact. but that doesn't change the fact that he was my first, and now it's over, and you know? it's weird. i told myself i wouldn't be jealous. i was sure i wouldn't be.
so am i, kind of? the very fact that i'm typing this out says to me i am. but i shouldn't be.
i can live. i don't know if it stems more out of jealousy for all of my friends, being paired off or pairing off...or just wanting somebody to like me. wasn't that what got me into this mess in the first place?
real life, get out of my internet. unless you give me good writing to post. yeah.